In our second installment in our #FindYourWhy series, we’ve interviewed Donor #1069, who originally looked into becoming a surrogate before stumbling upon egg donation after she’d had her second child. After four children, she decided to start her egg donation journey.
Why did you decide to become an egg donor?
“So, I've always known that since I had my second child - I now have four. I knew that at some point I wanted to do egg donation so that I could help other families because I mean, at that time, I had two healthy babies and I know there's a lot of people out there that just aren’t able to – either because their bodies have issues or other reasons - and they just they can't have kids. And it's really heartbreaking for those families.
But I also know there’s other circumstances where you just don't find the right person and you want kids, but you don't wanna do it with somebody that you're not in love with, you know? But I always wanted to make sure that I was content and happy with my family size before I started donating my eggs as well, though. So after number four I was like, okay, we're done.”
So you mentioned that you already had two children previous to you starting to do egg donations, or was it after you had all four?
“It was after I had all four of my littles that I started egg donations. I had known that I wanted to do egg donation at some point after I had my second, yes.
I kind of started hearing a lot about it around 2017. I feel like I didn't really hear much about any type of egg donation prior to this. I didn't even honestly know it was a thing until around end of 2017 to 2018. And when I heard about it, I was like, wow. I would love to do this.”
Do you remember what was your first introduction to it?
“So actually, I was looking into potentially being a surrogate. My husband’s sister has infertility issues, and she had talked to me about possibly being a surrogate. So I was kind of doing some research and looking into it. And unfortunately, because I've had a couple of miscarriages, a lot of the clinics would not accept me as a surrogate. And one of the companies I talked to brought that I would qualify for egg donation
So when I started doing a little bit more research into the egg donation, I was like - you know what? I can't do surrogacy. I understand that - but this is also a way for me to be able to help families still on a different path, in a different way.”
You’ve already kind of went into depth about the process leading up to it - but once you were doing it for the first time, what were some of the thoughts you were having?
“I was excited. I was kind of nervous, I feel. But at the same time, the team I was working with, they were really amazing. They answered all of my questions and everything and just kind of put me at ease. It was very smooth sailing in a sense. Almost. I mean, considering sometimes you don't know when you're doing your donation until like a week before. It was as smooth as sailing as it possibly could be.”
So when you're like setting up a profile in an egg donor database, it can feel like you're kind of marketing yourself. But how do you find the balance between being true to yourself but also trying to get matched with intended parents?
“You know what, it's actually interesting because I don't feel like I've had to really market myself as much. Like, I'm just kind of just being me and putting down on my profile who I am as a person, who I am as a mom and everything like that. I feel like the only hard part I've had is the pictures, because I'm so picky about my pictures. When you take pictures it's like they're not professional, they're from your phone, so they're gonna look off - they're gonna look weird, they're not gonna be perfect like some of these other ones that you see.
I feel like that's kind of been my big struggle is just doing that part of my profiling in all honesty. And in regard to any in depth information or, you know, not really in depth but information about me but basics and things like that - it's been kind of easy just because I'm not putting anything out there that isn't my day to day.”
That's good. The pictures - even if they're not professional, they're still realistic because it's you. Yeah. It's you from your daily life.
“Yeah, and that's the one thing that I feel like a lot of intended parents should want is the day-to-day, not these, you know, almost model-esque model pictures.”
Since you did mention that you are already a mom - is that something you emphasize specifically when you've set up your profile? And would you encourage other donors who have had kids to kind of highlight the same?
“I guess it just depends on the donor if they feel comfortable doing that. I’m a stay-at-home mom right now. I would love to go to work. But I love being with my kids too. And I love being able to spend that one-on-one time with them. So that's my life and that is my day to day.
But in regards to any type of other work path or career path, other than, being a stay-at-home mom there's not much else right now. So it's kind of easier for me to be able to just, you know, talk and emphasize on my being a mom because that's my 24/7.”
Moving on to the process of donating your eggs, what has your egg donation experience been like, and why would you recommend it to others?
“A lot of people have fears about the injections and things like that. Needles don't really bother me very much, but I do have a lot of friends that they're like, “oh, it involves needles. No - I can't do that.” You know? But I feel like the big thing about it is that it's not just about you, it's about helping other people and helping other families build their lives together with children.
You know, people who actually want to have kids, some medically can't. Some choose to do egg donation and surrogacy for personal reasons and others, you know, being same sex couples and such - they can't have kids naturally, so they go the egg donation route or surrogacy route, which is amazing because you have people like me and other donors that would be happy to be able to step in and help.”
You mentioned that needles can be a deal breaker. A lot of people are afraid of needles.
“The injections really aren't that bad. Because they just go beneath the surface. It's not like you're injecting fully or anything like that. It's not like you're drawing blood. And I feel like if a lot of people kind of just overthink the needles part - which I understand. Some people just can't do it, and I get that. But I feel like if they would just try, it would not really be as bad as they think. I did that a little bit where I was like - oh no, I'm really not looking forward to this. Like, this is really not gonna be fun. And then I did it for the first time, and I was like, you know what? I'm like, that's actually not bad.”
You get used to it, you mean?
“Yeah. I mean, I think towards the end of my cycle it gets a little rough just because you're running out of spots that don't have a little bit of bruising. You're moving spots and you're on your belly and stuff like that, but sometimes it gets a little rough towards the end. But other than that, it's really not that bad.”
What advice do you have for donors who are nervous about the medication or, and, and the retrieval process itself? Do you have any good advice to give them?
“Trusting the process - being able to trust your medical team, asking as many questions as possible and just being open and upfront about your concerns, feelings, and making sure that you're getting the answers you need to relax your mind.”
Do the people close to you know that you are an egg donor? Do you feel comfortable or uncomfortable disclosing to people in general about being an egg donor?
“I don't feel uncomfortable at all. All of my friends, immediate family and even family that's not necessarily immediate. They all know - my mom has talked to some of our other relatives about me being an egg donor and everything. So it's pretty well known in my entire family and also in my friend group as well. And I'm not uncomfortable sharing it or uncomfortable talking about it. I don't think it's something to be uncomfortable about or, or upset or ashamed about.
I think the one thing I will say is that my mom had a little bit of a hard time with it. She's very supportive, but she - in her head when I first started doing the process was like - well I'm gonna have a bunch of grand babies out there potentially. And I'm just sitting there and I'm like, yes - but you have to think of it this way; it might be my biological eggs, but I am not their mother. It’s who is raising them, you know, they are being raised and carried by intended parents. So I can kind of separate the two; between it being a biological child and me helping support someone with just some of my genetics.”
A lot of people struggle with other people's ideas around it and the morality of it too. It's like you said - you're not raising them, you're not part of their lives and there's so many other things that influence children as they grow up.
“Yeah, exactly. I feel like it would be different if it was the fact that it was my body growing the children. I feel in a sense that egg donation was one of the best things for me because looking back now, I don't know with surrogacy if I could have detached in that way. Because my body is physically growing the child at that point, you know, it's, it's a little bit different.”
You are someone who has their own biological children while being an egg donor at the same time. Is that something you plan to talk about with your children or something you have discussed already or something that you don't feel is necessary to delve into?
“I think eventually when they're a little bit older. My oldest is eight and my youngest is almost two. So I think eventually when they get older I don't see any reason whatsoever on why not to talk to them about it and kind of just explain it. I feel like when they are a little bit older and can understand a little bit better, by that point I will have a proper way to be able to talk to them about it without confusing them.”
It's a gradual conversation, if anything.
“Yeah. And it would be nice for them to know that anyways because there are tests out there like the 23 and me and ancestry.com. They could run into another sibling that they didn't even know about and they're like, wait, what? This is from my mom's side, like this doesn't make any sense. My mom only had us!”
Thank you for opening up and sharing your journey. It's really interesting to talk to someone who had children already and still wanted to be a donor. A lot of people may be under the impression that it's just single women who don't want children who donate their eggs.
“Absolutely. And then I just wanted to add that my first cycle I did work with another company and that company is great, but I will say this - I really love how Signature is very open on their profiles where all of the medical and genetic testing is all upfront. A lot of companies are not like that where they wait till you're selected by an intended parent.
And then they do all the medical processing, and I feel like a lot of unmatching happens due to women finding out they have something - a genetic carrier that also the intended parents have for a hereditary disorder or something else that they have during the genetic screening process. I feel like a lot of that could be avoided for intended parents if a lot of companies did what Signature does, honestly.
I really do love that everything is kind of just out there in the open, and that you don't have to wait to do any of the medical processing until you're matched. Because there's a lot of companies that wait till you're matched and then you kind of find out later you're like - well shoot, you know, these intended parents have spent time and money to get all of these tests done. And now we can't continue to match because we have the same genetic variation.
Luckily for my case, I don't have any of the genetic disorders at all - but there are a lot of people who have lost matches because of that. And it's sad, you know, because these intended parents, they select a donor because they love that person and then come to find out that they can't continue because their child is basically 99% going to have some type of genetic disorder. I just kinda wanted to add that because I really love that Signature does that.
That they're very upfront and open. And so all of the intended parents have everything out there in the open and they can select also based off of if the donor does have a carrier gene for a genetic disorder or something.”
We really appreciate that perspective and that feedback for Signature specifically. That may be something that would be also an advice you have for other donors - to be picky with the agency you are choosing to be with.
“Yes. I do love that they also work with other countries, not just the US. Because I do feel like it is a little bit harder to be selected in a big pool of donors when it's just the US and not other countries as well. So I that I thought that was really awesome that Signature works with other countries as well.”
If this interview has inspired you to explore egg donation, submit your application on our homepage!
If you’re an intended parent who is interested in this donor, sign up to view our database through our homepage to learn more about her!
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